“I am my own biggest critic. Before anyone else has criticized me, I have already criticized myself. But for the rest of my Life, I am going to be with me and I don’t want to spend my life with someone who is always critical. So I am going to stop being my own critic. It’s time that I accept all the great things about me. The only person who can pull me down is myself, and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore.
You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself, is a second of your life wasted; a moment of your life thrown away. Don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.” Live IN Love.
If you are anything like me or the majority of women I’ve ever known, you relate to this wonderfully open and honest excerpt from C. JoyBell C. For the rest of our lives, the person we will share our journey with most is our own self. Your relationship with yourself, your True self within, is the most powerful relationship you will ever have!!! What kind of person do you want to spend the rest of your Life with??
I know I want to spend my life with a person who adores, challenges, enlightens, fights for, sees the good, LOVES all, Loves me and makes me the best me I can be….So that’s who I have to be. As I continue to evolve into the woman I want to be, I battle the good “Am I ever going to be enough?” complex, learned over years of enduring defeat, failure, mistakes and loss. But as I remind you, I remind myself…I am flawed; beautifully scarred and human:)) I do not strive for perfection but to use my imperfections to help teach and encourage the resilience that lies in each of us; to inspire you to see the light & LOVE that you ARE. Because, in the breakdown lies the beauty in who you are becoming and deepens the knowledge, expands your capacity to overcome and, most importantly, opens your heart to Love beyond any circumstance. To have lived & learned is the greatest gift to yourself and the world:) You are beautiful. Know this. Every scar, every curve, every line, every mark, every tear, every smile, every breath is yours, only yours. There is nothing more beautiful than YOU, because you are ONE of a kind … destined to leave your mark on this world. See, Give, Be Love and you will Be Loved, always!!!
Love You. .. so should you xx
“Drum sound rises on the air, it’s throb, my heart. A voice inside says, “I know you’re tired, but come. This is the way.” ~ Rumi When the world says “give up”. Faith whispers “Try one more time”. Hours of training, dedication, sweat, pain, sacrifice, renewal, determination and perseverance…..I Believed! This IS the way!!!! Life.
October 20th, 2013 ~ San Francisco Nike Women’s Marathon
“I’ve learned that finishing a marathon isn’t just an athletic achievement. It’s a state of mind; a state of mind that says anything is possible.” From Holy hills, a frost bit hand, and sharp pain in my hip, this race proved to be the hardest yet most enlightening challenge, both physically and mentally, of my Life. ’Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it!!!!!! The girl who started the marathon is not the same who finished.
‘The marathon is a charismatic event. It has everything. It has drama. It has competition. It has camaraderie. It has heroism… Somehow, some way I pushed through in Faith and found a new personal greatness!!! MY marathon PR: 26.2 miles, 3 hours 37 minutes. Whatever you do, whether you are content where you are, or you strive for more, do not forget the lessons you have learned in your journey. After all, it is not necessarily they goal you must pursue, instead savour the time it takes you to get there! Take pride in how far you have come. Have Faith in how far you can go. And remember to enjoy the journey!!!! xx Believe and you will Become!!!
Please join Believe And Become this Sunday, October 13th for the annually AIDS WALK LA! My BFF and I will be leading team Believe and Become on this 10K (6 mile) walk through West Hollywood in efforts to support the AIDS epidemic. We support several charities through my pending non-profit and after walking for others the last couple years, thought what a great opportunity for Believe and Become to give back, bring amazing peeps together and contribute to one of the greatest causes. I’d LOVE for you to join me & the team!!
You can register @ www.aidswalk.net and join team: Believe And Become. We will meet at Melrose & San Vincente @9a for sign in, the walk begins at 10a Then we’ll refuel & celebrate at Tortilla Republic on Robertson:)) I know not everyone wants to RUN races with me but y’all can surely walk it out with me!!! WE #Believe in the cause, the cure; let’s #Become the change! Raising funds or just walkin it out, WE BElieve in being the change!!!!!! “Believe in a cause; BEcome the change.” Can’t wait!!! Much love…. #aidswalk2013 #BEthechange #redlipstick #rednikes #redcure #WeBelieve #IBelieve xx ~ #BelieveandBecome
“She Believed in dreams, all right, but she also believed in doing something about them.” ~ Walt Disney ….SHE IS YOU, SHE IS ME, I AM HER.
We all have dreams. However you want to look at it: a goal, a vision, an aspiration, “bucket list”, “When I grow up…”. All grown up now, and although my dreams may not correlate with what I dreamt of at age 10, to “LIVE the DREAM” would be the ultimate dream come true! So what does that even mean? I have always been a little apprehensive of stating that I am a “dreamer” because this perspective, to me, implied that dreamer’s dream of the things they want, seeking a goal or a desire “to be” or have something more than right now; reaffirming a state of lack there of or not enough. But the truth is, although some of us may feel content, or should I say safe with our current state, there’s always a little more we want to do, achieve, aspire to be because we are ever evolving beings with the complexity and capacity to do great things in this Universe, beyond our wildest dreams….no matter who or where you are, that is Truth we cannot deny! THAT I DO BELIEVE! The only way to evolve is to have a vision of who you want to be. So I recently redefined the “dreamer” perspective and I would like to think of myself more as a DOer. But there’s no way to DO without having a clear vision, a Dream. It starts with one inspired vision.
To pursue a desire that lives within you brings you closer to who you are truly meant to be. This is the definion of inspiration. Being aligned with your True self within. We may feel a burning desire for many things in Life but without action, it remains a distant dream. I was recently asked, what do you want?? “Well, ultimately?”, I asked. Without question, I felt the answer was, to be happy! Again, he asked, “What do you really want? What is it that you want, to BEcome, to fulfill this thing you call happy?” I said, “well I am happy…I think. But I guess I want to do more. Do more for others while staying true to my artistic passion.” As I said these words, my heart came alive…I was inspired to do just that! But how? Fear wanted to take over but when inspired, IN Spirit, Love overwhelms your heart and you’ll just know…this is it! Fear is overruled:)
When people ask what do you do or what do you want to do, I think we all resort to our go-to “story” we’ve stuck with our entire lives. It gives us somewhat an identity but also keeps us in a state of stagnation or complacency, inhibiting us from growing and reaching our full potential. The story changes, believe me:)) Something huge has shifted in me in the last year!!! If asked “what do you want?” since I’ve been living in LA (9 years), I’d say to be a successful actress, influencer and to have authentic, loving relationships. I began to feel unsure about what that even meant anymore. It sounded so generic and cliche, or was I just judging myself again?
It’s always seemed so clear to me as far as what I wanted. To act! It fulfills me, I can make people feel, expose and express Truth. But it became so apparent that eventually it was truly the most indulgent, ego driven career for years, I never wanted to admit. But I’ve learned, there is a balance. The exhausting hustle was one thing but then to fall into these self loathing cycles of not feeling good enough or worthy enough if I didn’t get the role, became so contradicting to the Life I thought I’d be living in my mid twenties. I dreamt of that house, the family, the stability. I always somehow made it work but emotionally, I’d inevitably wake up and reevaluate why it is that I continued to pursue this “passion” of mine and perhaps open my eyes, be present and see I am being called to do something greater, bigger, for others; to make a REAL difference. I realized I felt so far from all of those elements I listed that I wanted in my life. I felt like it was a distant dream again, that only feels like reality if it appears in my REM dreams;) when I’m sleeping uggg. How do I awaken this into my reality? The HUGE shift you ask?? I surrendered. I have learned, it all comes down to LOVE. Love life, love people, love what you do, love who you are! All I really know is what makes me happy NOW, in the right now, is my capacity to Love and be loved, and that is when miracles happen. Love is the essance of each of us and I’m thoroughly at peace when I’m in love with life.
I do not find myself judging my own Life all the time. But I see there is a healthy balance pursuing my passion while not consuming my existence with being attached to the outcome! Surrender…a huge shift in my perspective. It’s not that I ever lived an entirely shallow life; it’s actually what I battled to NOT be most. Therefore I see so clearly now how it never truly allowed me to be my authentic self when I struggled with this internal battle; to be authentic in an image obsessed, superficial, fame and money driven industry and culture (or town). I feel beyond blessed for the opportunities, relationships, travel, accomplishments, just surviving days of confusion, anxiety, relationships, daily battles…The thing is WE all survive this thing called Life. We live in it and hopefully find the strength and motivation to pick ourselves up and pursue it every day, with a passion and purpose.
If you’re anything like me, there was a time I didn’t know what that was anymore. Purpose. Maybe it was distracted by a breakup, a loss, a “dream” shattered, a transition in finding yourself, again…and then again. I dont think it only happens whan you are 16, then maybe again at 21, it’s a life journey, knowing thyself is an ever evolving progression and practice, as we are ever evolving into the person He designed us to be. But you must first make the decision to GO for Life and never stop. The more we know the more we grow! And sometimes in this growing process, the compromise, is stepping into the unknown and finding New purpose, and letting go of your story. You must be brave enough to let go of that person you think you are to Become the person you want to be.
I speak on this today, because I have felt I’ve been called to do something great for something greater than myself. While I’ll always be an artist, a creator, what that thing is, I have gained the humility over the last 4 years to say, perhaps I don’t know yet. The thing I DO know is that He never fails me and He is always on time. “He qualifies the chosen….” We are all chosen, hand selected to do great things! If you’d tell me 5 years ago what I had the potential to do: unfathomable. I Believe we are all here to make a real difference…Im not insinuating that it should be everyone’s dream or goal to change the world or leave a legacy, but I know there’s a place and way for each and every one of us to at least try. Since my accident 4 years ago I feel as if I’ve been called to: Inspire, build an empire, Write, Run, Act, create, speak, teach, heal….feel, LIVE LIFE! I feel as if the more I grow the more I know and I cannot stop exploring, living, feeling, believing.
You will inevitably find new purpose or place at some point, so I hear:)) so don’t get discouraged if you feel as if your plan for you isn’t going how YOU planned! It’s God’s plan. God is leading you to exactly where you are suppose to be….Change is necessary to design the Life you want. We all have dreams but it is important to clarify and be specific on what it is you really want and you might be surprised how the design gets redefined into exactly what you need to get. The outcome: the Life you desire and deserve at your Truest self!!! Let us all Live the DREAM…..
If Life is a beach, I’m just playing in the sand;)) But to cross the ocean, I must first have the courage to lose sight of the shore…….
Welcome the unexpected. Explore, Discover, Experience, Wonder….This is your Life. Until we see what we are, we cannot take steps to become what we should be… “Know thyself” & Celebrate the way your journey unfolds.
Fearing the unknown keeps you in a state of monotonous expectations and routine. If you do what you have always done you will always get the same results….Exploration & change only happens when we venture over to the edge and take one small step after another….You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you can not do. That’s when you really begin to see Life and Live it; truly Live & Love the journey….
Much Love …xx
Light and Love is always guiding you. Have Faith and Trust the hand that leads the way…
Although, with the eye, one cannot see it, my left hand is present at all times and never leaves my side. Not in just the phantom sensation sense but the energy and in Spirit; it remains as a gift, if you will, of what it Truly means to live. There’s an absolute knowing that although I cannot always grasp this missing piece of me, it is always present as a reminder that I survived and will continue to each and every day, with our without it because our bodies, careers, relationships, house, car, status, our “circumstances” DO NOT DEFINE our LIFE; our HEART. Fulfillment, validation, security, Happiness & Love can not be found and obtained “out there”, as in, outside of ourselves. We all have a gift, a light and treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer…Love. ”Every fiber of our being down to the smallest particle of our being is LOVE. We have Love. We are Love. We provide Love for the entire world, simply by existing.” ~ Caroline A. Shearer Love is the source of all!!! Love IS indestructible and that, my friends, can never be broken or taken from us, it lives within, always has, and it is yours to cherish and celebrate.
“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn. The spiritual journey is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life. Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us.” ~ Marianna Williamson
We all may dream, desire and seek to become something GREATER than our present “circumstance” but our risk of not reaching our full potential is perpetuated by self inhibiting fears and DISbelief in oneself; “not enough”, low/no self esteem, image distorted misconceptions of self and negating the beauty and value of your unique gift to the Universe; your PURPOSE. Sad, really, how the most dysfunctional relationship we have is with ourselves sometimes:( When we can grasp the Truth that our circumstances do not define us, we then SEE & BELIEVE that we are capable and beyond…EVERYTHING you want is on the other side of fear. LOVE. Our greater purpose already is present and lives within, whether we can see it or not. To me, this is what it means to just have Faith. You might not always recognize it with the eye, but you know the Spirit is alive and present when you believe……
I believe God’s purpose will always prevail as He guides you with His hand, lifts you up and never leaves your side. There are no accidents in an intelligent Universe. You are living out your story, your purpose…right NOW.
“Seek His will in all you do and He will direct your paths….” Proverbs 3:6 …and she never looked back. I Believe.
After enduring the greatest physical & mental challenge of my Life, Running from LA to Vegas, 340 miles, 41 hours, on a pro running team😳!!!! Clarity. Truth. I’m Alive! Something once insane, unfathomable to me but I had a vision that exceeded self doubt & fear: INSPIRE greatness for others in the most unfathomable circumstances, because something whispered to me I AM CAPABLE!!! And so are You! Just #BELIEVEandBECOME !! I Believed. I Became. Please follow our journey @thespeedproject for updates on the documentary. #LASP #speedproject #Nike #NikeRunning #Faith #Believeandbecome
THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME THE STRENGTH, THE COURAGE, THE PASSION, THE DRIVE, THE POWER, LIMITLESS LOVE, THE GIFT OF LIFE ITSELF. THANK YOU FOR MY LIFE!
Exactly 4 years ago today I woke up in a hospital bed surrounded by people who loved me, a garden of beautiful, vibrant flowers and selfless doctors. Tears running down faces, sadness, empathy and pain filled the room. I knew my life was altered and had changed forever that morning. In response to all the LOVE surrounding me, my initial response was, “No no, it’s ok. I’m still here. THANK YOU ALL. WE’RE ALIVE so LET’S LIVE.” More or less, but really…a new perspective whispered “it’s time to truly live your life….if not now then when?” This morning, I again woke up with even more admiration for life than yesterday or the day before or that very morning 4 years ago to this day. I loved my coffee. I loved my body for allowing me an 10 mile run this am. My mind, my sight, my breath of LIFE. My beautiful family and friends. I loved the gift of another beautiful day to breathe, love and LIVE! I was right. My life did change in the most incredible way March 18, 2009……I fell in LOVE with LIFE.
You gave me wings & I used them ….
“God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called….” The Lord’s purpose will prevail.
It is not in perfection that others are inspired…Let others get inspired by how you deal and use your imperfections. With every day, embrace your opportunity to conquer, achieve, inspire, educate, help, Love & LIVE . A new day, created for YOU. On this pursuit, Trust His plan. You are living your Life’s purpose … UNfailing Faith. To God be the Glory! Much Love.
I accept that I am a living poster child of surviving life’s unpredictable journey, when at times may feel inhumanly painful, scary or confusing. My life now seems to fulfill one big social experiment. How one individual perceives me to the next is the most elaborate study of the human psyche and behavior. Some are scared, saddened, angered, confused, inspired or simply, just curious when they see me. How, why, what happened to her? Then, for a split second, I can almost see the frequency overload firing as their mind tries to comprehend the meaning of something so “weird” or “sad, tragic” or “inspiring”. Regardless of what people were occupied with in the moment before, once they take my “circumstance” in, I feel a shift; a sense of gratitude for their own life. Some reactions reveal they’re glad “it didn’t happen to them”….and I know first hand that life can change in an instant for anyone. You don’t get an explanation, the answer, the meaning of it all. Just left with your own psyche, inner relationship with self and, ultimately, with God. I feel as if I am living closer to my True self and purpose than ever before.
In 4 years what is it I have learned? What have I discovered? I am a constant reminder to others of the unpredictable, inexplainable circumstances we are sometimes handed in life. I have learned that no circumstance truly defines you, but for most of us, we most likely think it does. I believe I was given a “role” in life, a purpose if you will, that allows me to help, teach and inspire others to live more fruitful lives almost every day. The more I embrace that role and all that I am, right here, right now, I get a sense of clarity that whatever I have become up to this point is what, where and who I am suppose to BE*. Whatever this circumstance is, it enables me to give more love. I proceed through the daily hardships, trials, challenges in one way only: Give more LOVE. We are able to survive the pain of any day when we Live in Love.
We all search for that ultimate meaning, purpose or reason behind it all, the only thing that remains true and constant for me is an ever evolving path to create a happy life. That entails trial and error, successes and failures, hits and misses. This way of life ignites a burning passion in me for this Life that never, ever stops stops growing and evolving. ”The pursuit of happiness” may insinuate a defeating search to reach ultimate peace and happiness rather than BEing happy and at peace NOW. However, I’ve stated in previous blogs that it isn’t until we stop searching “out there”, as in outside ourselves, for something or someone to bring us happiness that we find real peace within. YOU are the ONLY one who can provide, create, understand the essence of happiness within self. Nothing and definitely no one else can achieve that for YOU.
Fall in Love with what you have to offer this world! Loving my new self, just the way I am, regardless of the weirdness, pain, stares, physical and mental challenges, allows my “uniqueness” to service others in more ways than I ever imagined. There may be moments of apprehension but the rest of the time find the courage to step out into the world and scream, Hello! This is ME and I’m not going anywhere. It is NOW, and I am never stopping. People often ask me “how do you it?” I guess I don’t think much of it. I just DO. Unfailing Faith! Never give up and never alone. In Faith, I CAN do it. Anything is possible. We’ve all perhaps experienced beautiful revelations, wisdom, strength, courage and resilience that come from struggle, pain, tragedy and even despair. The Truth in my experience is I may have been broken down only to be built up, restored, stronger and wiser to become the woman He wants to use. Have unfailing Faith that you were created for greatness. Never underestimate your unique purpose and don’t be afraid to show the world exactly who you are. One day, one person, one story, one smile at a time, we can make a difference and change lives!
I dedicate my experience to teach, help and inspire others, with or without disability of any sort, to LOVE who you are, embrace your “flaws” and become who you are meant to be. I want to encourage us all to educate and teach others rather than pitty and label, relate and connect rather than judge, appreciate and love rather than make assumptions on others situations. This is our one life; we will be challenged, scared, intrigued, tempted, tested only to bring us closer to Truth. … embrace, learn, accept, move forward and teach for the means of living a more enriched, invested life….and to God be the glory!
Oh ya, you may ask, what could be so “interesting” or “weird” about me that people take a moment out of their lives to give me the real them? Well, for starters, & only starters, exactly 4 years ago today I lost my left hand in a car accident. THANK YOU for today, and EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!
“… nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now if you know what you’re worth then go out and get what you’re worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain’t you”! ~ ROCKY Best Quote Ever!
BELIEVE. Believe and Become.
“When they said it wasn’t going to be easy, things would never be the same, I lost it all…I responded with, ”sooo how awesome can I make this NEW life amidst this “tragedy”. However, periodically I’d have frightening thoughts that created a sharp, burning sensation in my heart. I remember a time in my life when I first experienced “heartbreak”; my heart was in pain, aching, broken. But this time was different, unfamiliar, & scary. A fleeting, doubtful thought came rushing in, “Will anyone ever truly Love me again?” I immediately responded confidently with, “Yes. Of course.” I knew the answer & I felt relieved; not sure why I knew, I just did because I STILL had my Faith. If I am alive, He is not finished with me or my purpose to rise and prevail. I still had me, my Life, & I LOVED it more than ever. There’s a wonderful law that attracts & I knew someone would reflect that love.
And then, we all know the unnecessary, ridiculous trickle effect of negative thought. For me it began with: “Will I be starred at & perceived as a weak, crippled or incompetent individual by others? Can I handle that perception of me?” Probably, I tried convincing myself, “If I like me, other’s perception of me can’t change that, right?” So I worked towards things I was passionate about that made me feel healthy & whole. Acting, nutrition, and sport, giving, creating…I remember taking walks alone, shopping in Beverly Hills just a couple weeks later; no hand, no bandage, just my new normal because that’s all I had. I could imagine the confusion it stirred up when someone saw this “normal” looking girl, but something was blatantly missing; almost frightening to fathom for oneself. I thought, “Being that girl with one hand might take some time to get use to myself; it is what it is & I understand you just can’t get around the elephant in the room…the looks are just a part of it Chauntal” I talked to myself & God A LOT, thankfully guiding me through. It’s an extremely unconventional distortion to some but then to see “the girl with one hand” smiling, laughing, going about life in a healthy, positive way, was almost even more unconventional to observe I imagine. I understand now, that the way I was handling it all was what was conflicting for the mind to comprehend.