I CHOSE LIFE


For the first time in 7 years, I was inspired by the words that were coming out of my own mouth. I was spiritually naked, exposed, vulnerable that day. I was finally talking about who I really am. Love working with Providence Health & Services and my dearest friend Michelle Marie to continue to share & inspire through my personal story.  #HealthBeat #BelieveandBecome xx

CLICK HERE for watch the 3-Part series and hear my “full story!”

We Create Our Own Paradise

We create our own Paradise, wherever we are…

The concept of Heaven on Earth never felt so real to me until I truly began to experience it for myself.  A special thank you to Wayne Dyer.  “Heaven is a state of mind, not a location, because Spirit is everywhere in everything.  If I said you could be in Paradise right this second, would you come with me or stay back, in disbelief that perhaps you too are worthy of this Paradise” ~ Dyer.  I believe this man can truly bring you the inspiration and clarity you need right now, just as a reminder that God is right here, every step of the way!  Please read his blogs and daily affirmations, practice throughout your days and let his legacy LIVE!  I guarantee you will feel the Love start to heal & you can begin to find peace in everything you do!  Why?  Because I love you.

We create our own paradise.   I remember my first glimpse of this new found appreciation & peace within; it was immediately after my accident.  I was driving home in the car with my sister & her boyfriend, who played as close to a brother as it gets, only 4 days after 3/18.  Perfectly fitting, “Live your Life” by Rhianna came on just as we left the UCLA hospital!  I will never forget as tears of joy & bliss & gratituded fled down my face.  I could see the beauty in the bluest sky, leaves greener, trees fuller, birds far more delicate & mysterious than ever, colors more vibrant.  I let the light in and I could see, truly see the beauty of Life.

“In the soul of man there lies one insular Tahiti, full of peace and joy.” – Melville. xx

THE LIFE YOU LIVE IS THE SERMON YOU PREACH

You never know who’s listening, truly listening.  Every day we share our opinions, our beliefs, our judgements without ever consciously being aware of what we preach.  You might not realize who’s looking up to you, who you may inspire and what lives you are changing by the things you say, and more importantly, what you […]

You never know who’s listening, truly listening.  Every day we share our opinions, our beliefs, our judgements without ever consciously being aware of what we preach.  You might not realize who’s looking up to you, who you may inspire and what lives you are changing by the things you say, and more importantly, what you DO.  To say actions speak is an understatement.  What we do not only affects our own lives but has the ability to inspire, disrupt, heal, hurt, motivate, discourage, lift up, or let down…. What message do you want to leave behind??   Today I ran 10 miles, climbed 3, 13 miles later, not because I had to, not because I necessarily wanted to…but today, Im Alive & I get to. Do Life.  I feel tired, defeated, anxious, confused and scared at times, as we all do.  More in the last two years, living on my own.  But what if I quit?  What If I just gave up?  What service then would I be doing for the world or myself ??

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After what most considered my traumatic, life debilitating accident, I honestly had thoughts of letting it become just that.  Sometimes, I just wanted to stop fighting to make sense of it all; when I and others around me might understand if I did.  Instead people called ME an inspiration!? When I first heard this I thought, Me? How? For what?  My heart hurts.  I wanted to scream at some point every single day.  I’d come to a point in my Life where I wanted to give it all up.  Yes, contrary to the daily inspiration I projected.  As I dedicated my experience to help others, I was still hurting, bad.  Ironically, or perhaps purposefully, my hand was least of my problems, I’d say.  It was ironic that this new found gift to “inspire” had emotionally overwhelmed me; the new direction my life was taking was so enlightening yet surreal.  I began to feel stuck, alone, and back to my old ways of feeling not enough.  This time to not only a let down to MY own expectations I had on myself but mostly to others.  I didn’t feel worthy of the enlightened perspective that so often poured out of me; a “light”, others would say often, that so many could see apparently, but myself.  “I didn’t sign up for this”, I shouted out, literally, one day.  I am exhausted, anxious all the time.  The thought to just be in an social setting where I knew I would have to be that “inspiration”  or subject of perspective on Life, haunted me.  To show up.  To say the right things, especially to those who looked up to me or looked forward to meeting or talking to me about resilience or overcoming…what if I didn’t say the right things or I was having a bad day, what if I didn’t leave them with a new perspective and inspire them?  What if I DIDN’T WANT TO!!?

The pressure I put on myself after the accident to use my story to help was a failure to everything I expressed over the years.  Who was I to preach “Believe and Become”, when I struggle to Believe in myself?  I realized I didn’t break free of my self- indulgent “not enough” phase I struggled so much with in my early 20’s.  I became the one let down because ALL I could be was me.  And “just ME”, I didn’t think was worthy or enough. But what I felt in my heart, at my purest moments of inspiration, my calling if you will, was to show up, be me, inspire, just being me and that was something I was learning and creating new every day.  Never failing, in Faith, I was ‘miraculously’ renewed when I least expected it.  I became an inspiration only after I became inspired in my own life.  I redirected my new Life as a new beginning to Live, truly LIVE.   To be inspired, to me, is to be IN Spirit.  Now, INspiration somehow, somewhere fills me up, between moments of clarity and especially moments lost, confused, helpless, not knowing what to do next.  I accept now that I’ve been given a gift, a role to help teach and inspire, which I believe is all of our purpose while we are here…God’s plan will always prevail.  But I still know it’s not until I stop resisting this calling that the Lord’s work will truly prevail.

I continued posting my daily inspirations, sharing my journey, because again those were the authentic moments I felt inspired, anointed or compelled to share the best I knew how, through my writing.  I shared my experiences or remedies that had worked for me during times of pain or confusion.  As I tried helping myself I projected it outward for us all to learn by because I was the one battling more than anyone I knew, as far as I knew it😉  Intellectually I understood the simplicity of just “Believe and Become”, but how do we maintain a state of happiness & vision & hope & Faith* when we feel things start to crumble around us?  I’d start my day with a grateful perspective yet almost turn to realities of the worldly things I felt lacking or inhibiting me: companionship, career, medical debt, fear.  I so badly wanted that True confidence I knew lived within, but geeez my determined ego!  This negative egoic mind reminded me, “you have one hand, you’re akward in social settings, you’re not qualified to be a motivational speaker, you should give up on the whole actress thing…you’re not good enough.”  Don’t get me wrong, I quickly tried desperately to turn those thoughts to ones of gratitude and sure, I’d find moments to restore my Faith between the cracks.  But the vicious cycle became routine almost.  I felt stuck.

Again, I looked up, looked within, asked for miracles. As cliche or stupid it may sound I DID just that! I needed a miracle. I couldn’t help inspire anymore because I wasn’t inspired.  Although I felt called to encourage others in need, I too needed someone to speak to me, help me see my own greatness.  It’s all perspective.  Help me shift to see I AM enough & in just being me; may I never quit.  Guide me to be honest & True to my flaws & pain.  Ahaaa there lies my avenue to help encourage at my Truest self!  (Interesting, isn’t it, how we already KNOW the answer if we just ask…we already have everything we need within….) “God does not call the qualified.  He qualifies the called.”

“The day she had stopped pretending and finally allowed herself to walk around in the world as she honestly was. Feeling of relief and peacefulness overwhelmed her.  She had set herself free.”

The power in helping others is where I finally found freedom!  Just as I Am. When I wake I say I haven’t hurt anybody, nobody hurt me, I am alive, I GET TO ____. … many can’t.  I then thought…I rust ran, 13 miles, and that’s beyond enough.  I can now remind myself I’m doing alright :)) Listen we all feel overwhelmed with the pressures of life. The frustrations of work, at least you GET TO go and have a job to get to. Relationships you get to share life with another & maybe GET TO work towards bettering or making it stronger, but you GET TO.  As for your body and image, something I struggled with for years, I ask you look at yourself in the mirror right now.  Two eyes, you GET TO see the wonders and beauty of God’s creation. Two hands, two legs, one leg, no hands…the body is only the vessel. You cannot BE your “situation”; it is not who or what you are. You are not your body, your clothes, your curves, your status, your bank account, your relationship, your car, your tone, your bone: you are a Soul. But it’s all you and yours you GET TO live in and better yourself & others with. This is your time. You GET TO DO this Life.  You’re going to want to give up.  DON’T!  Stay Strong, Keep smiling,  You never know who YOU are inspiring,

TBC……..Thank You and God Bless xx

 

Live Life AUTHENTICALLY

img_2436“WHAT COULD BE MORE FUTILE, MORE INSANE, THAN TO CREATE INNER RESISTANCE TO SOMETHING THAT ALREADY IS?” – Eckhart Tolle – ONLY WHEN YOU RESIST WHAT HAPPENS IN LIFE ARE YOU AT THE MERCY OF WHAT HAPPENS; THE WORLD THEN WILL DETERMINE YOUR HAPPINESS AND UNHAPPINESS.  What could be more insane than to oppose Life itself?  Surrender to what is.  I could not fathom the Life I’d be living had I resisted the unfathomable, undeniable pain, new Life chosen for me 7 years ago.  As cliché as it may sound, suppose I may have found purpose amidst my pain.  As we all are ever evolving, I’m still not quite sure what that may be: #purpose?  But I have set such a radical intention in this Life that makes me want to jump out of bed in the morning! NOT ABOUT ME! HOW CAN I LIFT YOU, ONE PERSON, ONE DAY AT A TIME!?  The thousands I’ve touched and lifted through sharing my story was a gift I resisted for years.  “Such an inspiration” was such a foreign role to be labeled or even more exhausting and frightening, to take on.  I was terrified!  Who am I to “inspire” when I’m just as flawed, as human; when we all just trying to Live.  But I quickly began to understand the significance of living vs. being ALIVE!  Like in real Life, to be happy whaaaat!

I literally embraced ALL that I Am.  When I stopped looking for happiness outside myself … I DO  what I love and DO IT OFTEN!  In return, happiness found me.  SO, I resisted, till perhaps recently.  Lord knows, y’all know, I DO NOT HAVE THE ANSWERS, but either Life could suck or it could be prettttty firkin ahaaamazing! I chose the latter.  Perhaps it truly was a gift of perspective that day.  I chose gratitude and said Yes! to LIFE.  To the LIFE I’ve been given!  Keep DOing what your heart calls you to DO.  You never know who you are inspiring.  Someone,  somewhere needs to Believe. The transformation’s been real 7 years!  Seven years of Grace.  Reflecting 2016.  HAPPIEST HOLYDAYS & GOD BLESS.. Love you’s ~ #BelieveandBecome xx

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VISION

“The VISION that you glorify in your mind, the ideal that you enthroned in your heart .. This you will build your Life by, and this you will become.” xx

Once upon a time…. She had a dream, searching for something greater outside herself to bring it to fruition. He had a greater plan…. till, one day she had a VISION.  It is not in perfection that others are inspired. Let others be inspired by how you deal and use your imperfections. I often forget that I am a constant reminder to others of the unpredictable, inexplainable circumstances we are sometimes handed in life. When I look down at something that once was & is no longer, I’m reminded myself of surviving life’s unpredictable journey, when at times may feel inhumanly painful, scary or confusing. If I could for a moment inspire YOU striving, beautiful young girls to not waste precious, delicate days/years like I did👆🏼 Fixated on a vision that not only did not see myself but thee furthest I had been from others! NEVER feeling enough; no status, job, religion, body, relationship, circumstance can define you! Sometime Life takes you by the hand (literally😜) & I don’t pretend it’s all rainbows & Unicorns (although….💭) I feel, I hurt, I cry, I laugh, I Live & ultimately, I LOVE! He strengthens the weak, sometimes repositioning you to equip you for any battle and pour His strength in to you! I choose happiness AND through Christ, ALL things are possible! … #HisWay #handintheair #iAm #BelieveandBecome xx

EVER EVOLVING

IMG_2346#LoveYourBody. It’s been a long, long journey. Truth be told, the hardest battle of my Life. First ballet shoes at 3 years old, body image has always been a predominant element in my World. Minutes, hours, days, years, an entire Lifetime I have trained. Dancer, Cheer, Gymnast —🖖🏻—> Spinner, Yogi meets #RUNNER! Whether I’m told, too skinny, too muscular, she “eats too many carbs”, body image is an ILLUSION my friends … because no matter how hard you work the only perspective that matters is yours! I’ve ALWAYS been an #athlete. Capable; As long as I breathe Life.

But I will no longer be my biggest nemesis. Whether a marathon or one handed @hot8yoga (on a daily!) It NEVER gets easier, I’m only getting stronger and wiser to understand: I AM ME. ✨Perfectly made in His image.✨ Wherever pushing my physical limits may lead….I Am Me. Much Love to every coach, instructor, mentor. Lord knows, this ain’t easy to say but ya, I think I can FINALLY love my ever evolving body along the way. #iAmMe .. #believeandbecome xx

IF YOU GET TIRED LEARN TO REST. NOT TO QUIT.

“I dedicate my experience to teach, help and inspire others, with or without disability of any sort, to LOVE who you are, embrace your “flaws” and become who you were designed to BE.” ~ @chauntallewis 

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Hiiii!  Welcome back! I’ve taken the year only to refresh, renew and revamp my BLOG // get ready, my VLOG.  Thank you for the continual support although I admit the last 2-3 years have been by far thee most testing, challenging, revealing years of my Life.  The pain, the struggles, the what if’s, the BREAKTHROUGHS, the THANK You’s, the “Lord, we good but..” what now’s, came crashing In! AND NOW here I AM! AT LAST! I’LL BE POSTING ALL (Bday) Month, catching y’all up on my year, to finally launch my own VLOG!!!

JUMPING IN TO THE DAILIES OF MY ART, MY LIFE; AS A BELIEVER, MAKE BELIEVER, MAKEUP ARTIST, ATHLETE, LOVER.  ALL THINGS CREATIVE: ART, BEAUTY, HEALTH, FITNESS, DAILY INSPO, “MY LIFESTYLE” // ALL THINGS FOR OTHERS TO FLOURISH & PROSPER and FOR HE WHO IS GREATER THAN I.  THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT ALONG THE WAY.  LET US ELEVATE, ENCOURAGE CHANGE AND CELEBRATE THIS GLORIOUS LIFE WE LIVE, TOGETHER. ONE.

 

MUCH LOVE, #BELIEVEANDBECOME XX

She is Me. She is You.

Who is She?

She is a Daughter, a Sister. She is a best friend.

She is a pocket full of Light.

She is a spark of something great, getting brighter; a dream grown large; the right thing at the right time.

She is a dancer, an actress, a writer, an artist, an athlete, a lover, a thinker, a Truth-teller. A connoisseur of all the things this wide world has to offer. Her Spirit is the first thing people notice. Her mind always has a mind of its own.

Her Heart.  Though it has been hurt, bears a strong resemblance to a Lotus:  resilient to the worldly happenstance and always flowers again.

Her theory is Love.

She loves. Oh how she loves. With ALL her heart.

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She infuses her day with newness and wonder. She promises herself adventure, new places, different views, a chance to get lost.  She notices the little things, gets a cup of coffee at a different cafe, takes the long walk (or RUN) home.

She walks with anticipation and purpose; with glittering eyes. She finds new hills to climb. She discovers so much unexpected joy.  She begins to Love the journey.

And everyone agrees that the very fact of her in the world means there is still so much good to come.

WHO is SHE?

She is Me.  She is You.

I Am Her.

#BELIEVEANDBECOME xx

“If you give up what service will you do for yourself but more importantly for OTHERS.”

The road to self discovery starts by facing your Truth.  The raw, the ugly, the beautiful, the REAL you; to be authentic with others but most importantly, with self.  As I observe my #BelieveandBecome posts for the past 5 years, I now see the Truth has always been in dedicating my story to lift others. To encourage you too, to fight.  Not in a a false, misconstrued perspective that Life is a never ending battle. Fight for the Life you were created to live!!!  No self pity.  If anything quite the opposite.

“God gives his toughest battles to his strongest warriors.” But rather proclaiming “I am a fighter”, I remember I am first a lover.  When we respond with love, half the battle has been won for defeat is only when you let your heart be overcome. Love till it hurts…the greatest battle of all because when I think a fight is only defeated by love. Love self, love others, love life, and then, throw it all back to the One who first knew love so that WE could!

If you give up what service will you do for yourself but more importantly for OTHERS.  I fought, I still fight the injustices, confusion, heartbreak, pain of this worldly space I am in.  I face a battle field. I break through to the other side by of fear by Faith alone.  I Believe, it will always get better or make sense at some point. I always does as He never fails.  Through my struggles, my Faith has been built up; it is here I call on God. I have experienced the mystery of suffering and endured affliction.  I NOW see, how minor my circumstances were compared to the real dark, sickness and pain in a sinful, broken world.  I don’t negate rthe fact that it does it exist, I just don’t invite it, focus or surround myself with anything that doesn’t align with my true self that is Love, so it’s really not my experience.  It’s not naivety, I just choose the people and circumstances if and when I can yet I also Believe God presents his finest when I give the same.  Because after everything, I still believe the world is a beautiful place.

It amuses me when one observers and asks me, or should I say, questions me, “Who are you?  What do you do?”  Where shall I begin?  Oh, yes the list will go on.  But as I observe the last 6 years since my own awakening, the “Story” I had told for years has evolved into ONE thing.  I Am a child of God. I am here to Love and shine Truth.  I am, but of course, an artist yet no longer defined by a title or label.  I have observed the Truths of this world.  What I’ve seen and now know, only ignites my passion to aspire to reflect the greatest Truth of all.  God’s work ; His promise.

Whether in front of the camera reflecting the Truths of society, human behavior, Life as I know it OR behind the camera, as an element of the big picture that is being created (beautifying the beautiful with my makeup artistry), What I DO best when alligned in my Truth?.  I create.

Here I find Balance….

Soooo … they ask why I run? I run IN Spirit, to INspire.  “But really, why?”

I fight.  I accept.  I cry.  I laugh.  I train.  I deliver.  I overcome.  I Believe….to be the best Me.  I Am…just doing what I DO and having fun!  It’s in my running where I find stillness, clarity, a sense of discovery and validity of accomplishment.  Where I push my physical, personal limits.  Only ME on this journey I call reality.  ONLY I can create at 5 to 10 to 20 mile run.  Perverance. I decided, I believed in my abilities rather than disabilities and I become a new woman every step of the way.  To be the best version of me I can be is to FREE myself; we can only give what we know and who we truly are ourselves. Whether in front or behind the camera, I am an artist and it’s in the art of running where I find stillness, clarity and balance; where I reset and free myself for my next creation….masterpiece;)) Here I can and I will find strength before I step into the demands of the world.  Running is of course lifestyle but its more that that.  Running is an art in itself.  I am far more interested in the magic than the mechanics.  The art of running – there’s magic in it.  This is my balance where I can reset and free myself for my next creation or masterpiece.  And it’s not just a brisk run in the park, I GO HARD.  Quite the dichotomy from my delicate and perceived to be “glamorous” lifestyle in a beauty industry.  From a rough, 11:11 miler (or run to vegas esq. @thespeedproject) side of me…there is Magic in this lifestyle. As running is nothing but an analogy of life: what you put into it is what you get out off it, as Oprah once put it. So yea! I Love and Live hard.

“So I run with purpose in every step.  I am not just shadowboxing.  I discipline my body like an athlete; training it to do what it should.”  Deep down, I don’t know how to give up! Run, Love and Live with purpose.

Love Is. In all that I DO.  That’s what I DO.  It’s never really about us anyway.  God’s glory!  All for LOVE. So again, LOVE remains my theory!

Light & Love ~ #BelieveandBecome xx

You gave me wings & I used them ….

“God doesn’t call the qualified. He qualifies the called….” The Lord’s purpose will prevail. 

It is not in perfection that others are inspired…Let others get inspired by how you deal and use your imperfections.  With every day, embrace your opportunity to conquer, achieve, inspire, educate, help, Love & LIVE .  A new day, created for YOU.  On this pursuit, Trust His plan.  You are living your Life’s purpose … UNfailing Faith.  To God be the Glory! Much Love.

471_4943341655977_1367454022_nI accept that I am a living poster child of surviving life’s unpredictable journey, when at times may feel inhumanly painful, scary or confusing.  My life now seems to fulfill one big social experiment.  How one individual perceives me to the next is the most elaborate study of the human psyche and behavior.  Some are scared, saddened, angered, confused, inspired or simply, just curious when they see me. How, why, what happened to her?  Then, for a split second, I can almost see the frequency overload firing as their mind tries to comprehend the meaning of something so “weird” or “sad, tragic” or “inspiring”. Regardless of what people were occupied with in the moment before, once they take my “circumstance” in, I feel a shift; a sense of gratitude for their own life.  Some reactions reveal they’re glad “it didn’t happen to them”….and I know first hand that life can change in an instant for anyone.  You don’t get an explanation, the answer, the meaning of it all.  Just left with your own psyche, inner relationship with self and, ultimately, with God.  I feel as if I am living closer to my True self and purpose than ever before.

In 6 years what is it I have learned?  What have I discovered?   I am a constant reminder to others of the unpredictable, inexplainable circumstances we are sometimes handed in life.  I have learned that no circumstance truly defines you, but for most of us, we most likely think it does.  I believe I was given a “role” in life, a purpose if you will, that allows me to help, teach and inspire others to live more fruitful lives almost every day.  The more I embrace that role and all that I am, right here, right now, I get a sense of clarity that whatever I have become up to this point is what, where and who I am suppose to BE*.  Whatever this circumstance is, it enables me to give more love.  I proceed through the daily hardships, trials, challenges in one way only: Give more LOVE.  We are able to survive the pain of any day when we Live in Love.

We all search for that ultimate meaning, purpose or reason behind it all, the only thing that remains true and constant for me is an ever evolving path to create a happy life.  That entails trial and error, successes and failures, hits and misses.  This way of life ignites a burning passion in me for this Life that never, ever stops stops growing and evolving.  ”The pursuit of happiness” may insinuate a defeating search to reach ultimate peace and happiness rather than BEing happy and at peace NOW.  However, I’ve stated in previous blogs that it isn’t until we stop searching “out there”, as in outside ourselves, for something or someone to bring us happiness that we find real peace within.  YOU are the ONLY one who can provide, create, understand the essence of happiness within self.  Nothing and definitely no one else can achieve that for YOU.

I was given this chance to live a richer life.  And perhaps it’s all for the good of others.  We are ONE and can make a difference for ALL things good.  To Inspire and BE inspired…what I’ve always aspired for really!  No matter where I go, my interaction with human Life exposes Truth within. ….As I go about my days, I observe individuals fall into the moment just trying to process what happened to me or what it would be like if it happened to them. Whether it puts their own life in perspective or generates loving compassion or simply redirects any negative thoughts to gratuitous thoughts, I’m able to see people feel “something” as a pure, instinctual reaction, almost forced to live in that moment. Within these 4 years of tests, triumphs, successes and enlightened new ways, if that’s my purpose, it absolutely fuels me to move forward, make change and INSPIRE; what a gift!  In return, I am blessed with a loving connection with unique, loving, beautiful people I receive daily!

Fall in Love with what you have to offer this world!  Loving my new self, just the way I am, regardless of the weirdness, pain, stares, physical and mental challenges, allows my “uniqueness” to service others in more ways than I ever imagined.  There may be moments of apprehension but the rest of the time find the courage to step out into the world and scream, Hello! This is ME and I’m not going anywhere. It is NOW, and I am never stopping.  People often ask me “how do you it?”  I guess I don’t think much of it.  I just DO.  Unfailing Faith!  Never give up and never alone. In Faith, I CAN do it.  Anything is possible. We’ve all perhaps experienced beautiful revelations, wisdom, strength, courage and resilience that come from struggle, pain, tragedy and even despair.  The Truth in my experience is I may have been broken down only to be built up, restored, stronger and wiser to become the woman He wants to use.  Have unfailing Faith that you were created for greatness.  Never underestimate your unique purpose and don’t be afraid to show the world exactly who you are.  One day, one person, one story, one smile at a time, we can make a difference and change lives!

I dedicate my experience to teach, help and inspire others, with or without disability of any sort, to LOVE who you are, embrace your “flaws” and become who you are meant to be.  I want to encourage us all to educate and teach others rather than pitty and label, relate and connect rather than judge, appreciate and love rather than make assumptions on others situations. This is our one life; we will be challenged, scared, intrigued, tempted, tested only to bring us closer to Truth. … embrace, learn, accept, move forward and teach for the means of living a more enriched, invested life….and to God be the glory!

Oh ya, you may ask, what could be so “interesting” or “weird” about me that people take a moment out of their lives to give me the real them?  Well, for starters, & only starters, I lost my left hand in a car accident but more importantly, I’m becoming the Truest, most authentic, best version of me through trial, error, confusion, discovery, and whatever else God has planned for me..  THANK YOU for today, and EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!!!!

It starts with BELIEVE.

Believe and Become. xx